Actual hair products found in an actual bathroom of an otherwise normal, fairly typical American couple in the Midwest (with an occasional editorial aside).
Aveda pure-formance shampoo
It smells like Listerine. "No, no," the hair stylist insists. "It's herbal." Oh. Antiseptic parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme.
American Crew stimulating conditioner
Lots of adjectives in the hair product game, we'll soon learn. Stimulating.
Aveda pure-formance firm hold gel
More Listerine. Does absolutely nothing to thwart an increasingly enlarging forehead.
Ouidad clear control pomade
In conducting this "product" inventory (that's what the hair stylist calls all this stuff, "product") one catches on quickly that the Ouidad products each fall into what appear to be chronological use categories. I've placed these categories in
for your reading and discernment convenience.
Ouidad moisture lock leave-in conditioner
This bad boy "seals in lightweight moisture." Of course it does.
Ouidad climate control heat & humidity gel
One sees readily how this product could prove especially helpful during
Ouidad PlayCurl volumizing mousse
Ouidad botanical boost spray-in conditioner
Even though it's a "botanical boost," this one's not really a boost, it's a remedy. C'mon, stay with me here.
Ouidad style glaze serum
Ouidad styling mist setting & holding spray
Aussie moist conditioner-revitaliser
This action comes in a purple bottle and is accompanied by the tag line, "put some 'roo in your 'do." Two things. Who wants any part of a kangaroo in their hair? And who are they trying to kid with that "s" in "revitaliser?" It's a Proctor & Gamble product out of Cincinnati, for Chrissakes.
Redken 12 align ultra-light balm
Sounds like something to apply to the wings of a one-person aircraft just before takeoff. Or maybe in the first moments after crashing. This assumes, of course, the balm -- and you -- survive the crash.
Aveda scalp remedy spray
This one has a black hairband around the bottle. Some sort of signal?
Ouidad deep treatment intensive conditioner
When a girl needs more than lightweight moisture, clearly. Duh.
Redken outshine 01 anti-frizz polishing milk
My personal fave. "Nice 'do!" "Why, thank you! I owe it all to my new anti-frizz polishing milk!"
Ouidad balancing rinse essential daily conditioner
No chronological tag on this one. WTF, Ouidad?
Ouidad curl quencher moisturizing shampoo
Ouidad tress fx styling gel
Doesn't take long to get the impression "Ouidad" is just some pretentious hair product name dreamed up in a marketing meeting (a meeting that I'm confident lasted at least 30 minutes longer than the one at P&G that resulted in, "put some 'roo in your 'do.")
But it's not. Turns out Ouidad's an
Now that's one exciting Saturday night.