Yellazone

An actual conversation through a two-inch Plexiglas window at the Kansas State University Athletic Department ticket office at Bramlage Coliseum.

Me:

“Hello. I’d like two tickets for this afternoon’s baseball game.”

College student athletic department employee (we’ll call her “Jen”):

“Sure.”

Fingers on keyboard accessing the system.

“Are you in our system?”

Me:

“Well, we’re football and basketball season ticketholders, so I guess we oughta be.”

Jen:

“K. What’s your name?”

Me:

Audible sigh

.

“It'd be under McClaskey. Capital M, small-C, capital-C… L-A-S… K-E-Y.”

Jen:

Eyeballing on-screen options

. “Are you Jackie?”

Me:

“Nah, she’s shorter’n me. And better looking. But that’s us. She’s my wife.”

Jen:

“K. Where ya wanna sit?”

Me:

“What are my options?”

Jen:

Whipping out a Tointon Family Stadium seating chart.

“Well, you can sit over here in these blue areas, that’s general admission. Or you can sit in these yella areas.”

Me:

Pointing to much better seats depicted on the chart.

“What's the story on these purple areas?”

Jen:

“Sorry, dude. Those

re for baseball season ticket-holders.”

Me:

“Me bein’ a football and basketball season ticket-holder’s no help here, huh?”

Jen:

“‘Fraid not.”   

Me:

“In that case, lemme have two of the yellows. 3

rd

base side, please.”

Jen:

Looking at me as though I'm six kinds of idiot

. “Man, there’s no ‘3

rd

base side.’ You can sit wherever ya want in the yellazone!”

She says it fast as if it’s one word.

Me:

“Oh.”

Jen:

“That’ll be 20 bucks.”

Transaction competed. Tickets handed over in the tray beneath the Plexiglas.

Me:

“Thanks. Seeya.”

As I’m turning around to depart:

Jen:

“Hey wait a minute. ‘Djoo say you were a men’s basketball season ticketholder?

Me:

Maybe I’ll get the purple seats after all.

“That’s right.”

Jen:

“Well then, have you picked up your Frank Martin bobble-head?”

Me:

“Beg your pardon?”

Added indignity: It doesn't even look like him.

Jen:

“I said, have you picked up your Frank Martin bobble-head yet?”

Me:

“In fact, we have

not

. Wasn’t even aware we were eligible for one.”

Jen:

“Omigod yes. All the season ticketholders get one.”

Me:

“No kiddin’? Sweet!”

Jen:

“Yep. Meet me at this door over here

(gesturing to her left – my right).

They won’t fit through these ticket windows.”

Me:

“Thanks a lot! Can I swap it for a Bruce Weber bobble-head?”

Jen:

Voice dripping with disdain.

“Like you’re the first one to ask me that.”