On this Black Friday, I offer a list of actual catalogs that have arrived in our mailbox in the last 30 days. Accompanied, of course, by the occasional editorial aside:

Garnet Hill.

Original designs in clothing and home décor

. Where you can procure something called a Hable Holiday Hooked Wool Rug for a mere $198.00.

None for me, thanks.

Orvis, the dog book.

Featuring – and I am not making this up – doggie futons. Starting at $59. I quit looking when I saw some going for $500.

Nothing screams first world opulence louder than 500 bucks for a dog bed.

I bet we got this catalog basket from Pottery Bar


Pottery Barn Kids.

‘Tis the season for big dreams & small wonders.

I have one kid. He’s 27 years old and about to graduate from med school. How’d we get on this list?

Pottery Barn

Jewels for the home.

This one’s for adults, I assume. 172 pages of stuff I just cannot live without, apparently. Including a monogrammed cocktail shaker. This assumes pretension on levels I can’t even begin to fathom.

“We’ve found that cosmopolitans prepared in the monogrammed shaker are so much more elegant than those we offer in our ordinary sterling one…”

Don’t look now, but you have a cocktail weenie on your shoe.

Pottery Barn Bed and Bath.

One-of-a-kind gifts.

Pottery Barn.

Warm Wishes. Complimentary Design services


I detect a trend.

Purveyors of Fine Machinery since 1983


Lathes, bandsaws, surface grinders and their ilk. Pretty sure I’ve not used any of these since 8


grade shop class at Pleasant Valley Junior High. And then I damn near lost a coupla fingers.

Franklin Planner


Exclusive consumer products licensee of FranklinCovey. ‘Tis the season.

Fools. Pottery Barn Kids is already using ‘‘Tis the season.’

Sundance (founded by Robert Redford in 1969).

Holiday, jewelry and gift 2012, Home decorators collection.

The cover features a photo of an festively decorated open door and a pair of empty boots at the threshold. Which to me implies some yahoo walkin’ around your (festively decorated) house in their socks.

“What smells like feet?”

Redford's Sundance. Hoffman's Ratso. Fonda's Barbarella.

Sundance (founded by Robert Redford in 1969).

Holiday, jewelry and gift 2012

. This cover features artistically-arranged Christmas tree ornaments. All red (photo to the right). Had Dustin Hoffman acted similarly, would his catalog would be called, “Ratso?”

Think about it.

J. Jill.

You’re invited.

Pretty sure we’ve shopped in their actual store. One o’ my faves. They have a husband chair.

In the Company of Dogs from

Begging the age-old conundrum: Which came the first, the catalog or the website?

Back in the Saddle,

featuring all manner of equine accoutrement. Let’s see, quick and dirty household inventory: One guy rapidly approaching the precipice, one

head-bangin’ manicured multi-tasker

, two dogs, two Ford Escapes.

Zero horses.

Ballard Designs.

Introducing the 2012 Suzanne Kasler Holiday Collection (Pages 14-19).

Wonder if Suzanne’d be interested in the 2012 MM Holiday Collection?

Prolly not.

Paul Fredrick.

Get your favorite looks this season and save.

I recently bought four button-down Oxford shirts from this outfit online. Now we get their catalog.

Which reminds me of the time my then-fiancé invited me and the 9-year old future med student to go shopping with her. After a couple of stores, he’d wait for her to get deep into bargain browsing, saunter up to the counter and make it known he’d like to sign up for their catalog.

A few weeks later, they started showing up in her mailbox, addressed to “Thomas Jefferson McClaskey,” “Raphael Donatello Michelangelo” and “Dan Marino Matson.”

Red Envelope.

A cursory glance within reveals more home décor and women’s trappings, including the must-have monogrammed “leather excursion messenger bag.”

“What a lovely briefcase!

“No, no. It’s a leather excursion messenger bag.”

Of course it is.