'86 the Socks

AN ACTUAL CONVERSATION is just that. Actual words spoken as a means of communication between my wife and I (my wife and me?) Verbal cross sections, snapshots of our existence. When shared via social media, they’ve sorta become a thing. Here are a few o’ my faves from 2015

:

(While picking up our recently-serviced Ford Escape)

Mike:

“Hey, look! A fire engine red 1989 Camaro RS..!”

Jackie:

“Don't get any stupid ideas.”

Mike:

“Who’s pitching for the White Sox?”

Jackie:

“Danks.”

Mike:

“You're welcome.”

Mike:

(Making car collision noises while pulling into a tight parking space).

Jackie:

“You're such a boy.”

(Encouraging her to '86 the socks in favor of just feet in tennis shoes).

Jackie:

“You were right, this feels much better.”

Mike:

“What was the first part of that sentence again?”

(Driving past R.C. McGraw’s in MHK)

Mike:

“Man, lookit all the cars in the parking lot of that night club.”

Jackie:

“Night club? How old are you, anyway?”

Mike:

“Whaddayou call it?”

Jackie:

“A bar.”

Feta, bleu, gorgonzola, et al.

Sans

goat.

(On the phone)

Mike:

“They have feta cheese crumbles, bleu cheese crumbles, gorgonzola cheese crumbles. NO goat cheese crumbles.”

Jackie:

“Where are you?”

Mike:

“Standing before an immense dairy case with cheese as far as the eye can see.”

Jackie:

“You’re in the wrong place.”

Mike:

“Of course I am.”

(During my post-dinner kitchen cleanup)

Jackie:

“Anything I can do to help?”

Mike:

“You can cheerlead my efforts.”

Jackie:

“Gimme an ‘M,’ gimme an ‘I...’”

(Preparing to do a load o’ laundry)

Jackie:

“Tide, Downy, ‘normal wash’ setting.”

Mike:

“Please bear in mind, I was doin’ laundry long before you entered the picture.”

Jackie:

“Yeah, but not very well.”

(As Alex Gordon tries to take an extra base)

Mike:

“DON’T GO!”

Jackie:

“When you’re aggressive and take risks, sometimes there are costs… and sometimes you go to the friggin’ World Series.”

(Via text)

Mike:

“Golden State 22 Cleveland 20, 3 minutes and change left in 1st quarter.”

Jackie (in Topeka):

“Thanks. Sitting on pins and needles awaiting those NBA updates.”

(Handing over my brand new Surface Pro 3, ostensibly for one specific task)

Mike: “

You're just dorking around with it.

I

coulda done that.”

Jackie:

“It's not ‘dorking,’ it’ strategic problem-solving.”

(Cruising Nashville for a specialty game store)

Jackie:

“If we strike out, we can try Toys R Us in the Opryland Mills mall we passed last night... and maybe stop at that Ralph Lauren Polo store.”

Mike:

“I didn’t see that in the dark.”

Jackie:

“I did. I can see that pony from a long ways off.”

(Following a mild health complaint)

Mike:

“Do you feel feverish?”

Jackie

:

“I donno.”

Mike

(hand on her forehead): “A little bit, but then you always tend to run a degree or two hotter than the rest of humanity.”

(Me asleep, apparently. Her awake)

Jackie:

“Are you OK?”

Mike:

“I just don't wanna hafta go to prom again...”

Mike:

“D’you see that Tom Cruise announced today that he's running for President?”

Jackie:

“You mean Ted Cruz?”

(Discussing clubs we belonged to in high school)

Jackie:

“...of course, there was FFA.”

Mike:

“FFA? Isn’t that more like a cult?”

Jackie:

“Wanna see Fleetwood Mac in concert?”

Mike:

“I think I prefer to remember my rock stars in their youthful glory.”

Jackie:

“Then I guess I won’t give you your Valentine’s Day gift.”