Trendy Clothes or Offshore Banking?

AN ACTUAL CONVERSATION is pretty much what the words indicate. Actual words uttered by my wife and I in real life, real time. Verbal snapshots. When shared via social media, they’ve sorta become a thing. Here are a few 2018 faves:

Jackie: “Tomorrow before we leave town we have to swing by my office and pick up an apple pie.”
Mike: “Is it already made?”
Jackie: “Yes. Otherwise it wouldn’t be an apple pie.”

(Singing a few bars of ‘Uptown Funk’)
Mike: “That’s a catchy tune.”
Jackie: “It is when someone else sings it.”

Mike: “What’s the difference between onion rings and onion strings?”
Jackie: “One is rings, one is strings.”

(Culling her accessories/bling collection, dangerously close to bedtime)
Mike: “I can help you along if you like.”
Jackie: “No, thank you.”

(She whomps up real whipped cream in this hi-tech CO2 cartridge-powered gizmo)
Jackie: “Hey, do you want to learn how to make it?”
Mike: “Nah, if you get hit by a truck, I’ll just go back to Reddi-Whip.”

Mike: “I have the skills to be subtle.”
Jackie: “No. You think you do, but you don’t.”

(Sporting a week’s facial hair growth)
Jackie: “I’ll make you a deal. I’ll watch every game of the NBA Finals with you, if you shave.”
Mike: “You win.”


(On the phone, walking me through an online transaction)
Mike: “It says the credit card is from a banana republic. Where’s the bank, Panama?”
Jackie: “It’s the clothing store.”
Mike: “Oh.”

(Shopping for duds)
Jackie: “My stuff’s cheaper than yours.”
Mike: “What’s that tell you?”
Jackie: “You’re higher maintenance than me.”

(Following my Obama impression)
Mike: “I need to work on it. I’ll hone it later this month when you’re on the road.”
Jackie: “It’s not getting better. Time to move on.”

(Reminiscing about careers)
Mike: “I was a damn good reporter.”
Jackie: “Is there anything you weren’t good at? Like being humble?”

(Strains of Salt-N-Pepa’s 1993 classic ‘Whatta Man’ wafting through the car)
Mike: “You prolly think about me when you hear this song.”
Jackie: “What is this song?”

Mike: “I could be wrong.”
Jackie: “You are wrong.”