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  • Writer's pictureMike Matson

Something Orange

Updated: Dec 27, 2022

A dozen fav ACTUAL CONVERSATIONS from 2022.

Mike: “I’ma read the owners’ manual. Don’t wanna screw something up.”

Jackie: “Oh, so you’ll read the lawnmower owners’ manual, but not the one that came with the new car?”

Mike: “I think that would be more efficient.”

Jackie: “When you say ‘efficient,’ I often hear, ‘let’s do it my way.’”

Mike: “Are you gonna text her?”

Jackie: “Yes, and you needn’t micro-manage.”

Mike: “I was offering a reminder.”

Jackie: “Same thing.”

Mike: “You want provolone?”

Jackie: “Only if it’s ‘good’ provolone.”

Mike: “Uh...”

Mike: “Hey, we have a basketball game tonight, versus Butler in Indy. Is it on ESPN Plus?”

Jackie: “You should be able to find the answer on that device in front of you which can access this cool thing called the Internet.”

Jackie (home after being gone a week): “Doesn’t take you long to revert to bachelor mode... shoes all over the place, hotdogs in the fridge, and you struggle with a 2-person conversation.”

Mike: “Need any errands run?”

Jackie: “I need some bath soap, but please wait for me. You’ll just buy something orange.”

(anticipating lyrics aloud from the 1978 playlist)

Jackie: “You can ruin listening to just about any song.”

Mike: “I consider it ‘adding value.’”

(signs pointing to a K-State Sugar Bowl appearance)

Mike: “That's a big boy bowl.”

Jackie: “We're playing big boy football.”

(updating ringtones)

Jackie: “I find it ironic that the one you picked for you calling me is ‘Brown Eyed Girl,’ which makes me feel good and the one you picked for when I call you is ‘Little Miss Can't Be Wrong.’”

Mike: “I now have our Styx/Loverboy/REO tickets screenshotted. Want me to share them with you, in case I get hit by a truck?”

Jackie: “Pretty sure I won’t go if you get hit by a truck.”

(leaving a hotel room)

Mike: “Do you have your key?”

Jackie: “No, I don't intend to be apart from you.”

Mike: “It’s the unintended consequences that do us in.”

Mike: “We’re a tad overdue for an actual conversation.”

Jackie: “You better say something witty.”

Jackie: “You wanna go set up TV trays?”

Mike (nose buried in Courtesy Boy: A True Story of Addiction, mere pages from finishing): “Gimme two minutes.”

Jackie: “Do you not know how it ends?”

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